It has been a time of renewal, a time of shifts and loss and mourning, a time of giving and holding others, a time of allowing self to be swept aside. My father in law passed away on Dec 1st, one short week earlier we had finally moved house, the nights were long and cold, I packed and unpacked, we haemorraghed money- my husband was a selfless soul endlessly on the road caring for his father and mother, answering endless telephone calls- moments lost, tablets forgotten, repeated conversations, fragments of life recurring then receding, we collected groceries, cooked meals, later we watched as he listlessly slept and shouted and screamed in some other life, some other world crying through pain for help and searching for security and struggling for each long laboured breath until he was gone.
Each day I have gone to work, in my new job, loving the company of my new colleagues, welcoming the benign banter of everyday life, desperate for a smidging of something that resembled a slower pace, a calmer moment, welcoming the newfound calm of our homely little house, genuinely craving the solitude that I know will energise and bring renewal. The moments where the sky in all its splendour is the most treasured and important thing, when the cold chill biting at my fingers and toes reminds me of the joy of life, longing for the frozen earth to yield to spirited snowdrops and there to be enough space for me to savour the solitude that I love so much.
January brings snow
and frozen slivers of ice
Witch Hazel shivers.
© Alison Jean Hankinson.
This is for D’verse. Love to all and Happy New Year.
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I’m so pleased to see you back, Alison, but sorry for your loss. You seem to have had one of those times when everything happens at once and you don’t have time to take a breath or, as you say, ‘a time of allowing self to be swept aside’. A new home and a new job! Solitude and snowdrops – a calming image – but I feel for the shivering witch hazel. I hope the New year brings you happiness and peace.
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Much love to you, glad to be back. XXXX
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🙂 xx
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I am so sorry for your loss and all that you have gone through. It seems we are so alone in these times.The shivering witch hazel is so sad and such a heartbreaking image. Good to see you back.
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Love to you and will be catching up wiht all your posts tomorrow. XXXXXX
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Hugs to you.
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We poets come. go, and sometimes return; I applaud your return. Such sweet and sad personal musings here. A terrific haibun.
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Love to you and Happy New Year. X
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Alison, my condolences on the loss of your father in-law and the comfort of old routines and time for solitude. Hoping you find your space soon.
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Thank you for your kind words. X
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sorry to hear about your loss. but the new job and house gave you path to find solitude, for that i find this haibun so touching to read
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Sorry for your loss, and in the midst of such turmoil – moving house, new job. The craved for solitude rings through your brilliant description, begs me to pray for it on your behalf. Take care.
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What a time of changes this must have been for you. Loss mingled with the excitement of a new job and I can really feel how you craved the solitude of your home… great to have you back at dVerse.
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Happy New Year.
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May you have time and space for you.
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