It was a lacklustre marriage
A bouquet of flowers on a spring day
Followed by shortcomings and oversights.
“I don’t hound you Joyce…What do you mean
I am the perfect gent, always there to stand at your side.”
I wanted a man not a dog.
He had carried me across the threshold
Love danced in his eyes-It was a breath-taking moment of becoming
Then the colour of roses faded
His skin lost the scent of sandalwood
And we were dead in the water, his love had shifted upstream.
She had crystal blue eyes and a wanton smile
He was mesmerised by her moodiness
She pulled him in with her powerful and ardent amour
and summoned his presence on a platter of platitudes
Served with a side order of shipwrecked marriage.
It was a lacklustre marriage
Followed by shortcomings and oversights.
He had carried me across the threshold
before the colour of roses faded
And his love went astray.
©Alison Jean Hankinson
This is for d’Verse.
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What a sad story… the image of the scent of sandalwood going is so poignant… (even before that other woman).
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I was hoping someone would choose this image. The repetition is very effective….and some of the images so so visceral: scent of sandalwood, “And we were dead in the water, his love had shifted upstream.”
And the platter of platitudes.
A sad story you’ve writ here….written very very well.
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Thank you very much Lillian, I love old photos. XXX
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The repetition is so effective in the closing stanza.
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I love the way you got into both characters in the image, Alison, and gave them distinct personalities in their lacklustre marriage. I especially like:
‘Then the colour of roses faded
His skin lost the scent of sandalwood
And we were dead in the water, his love had shifted upstream’.
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I like how you described this: “platter of platitudes
Served with a side order of shipwrecked marriage.” Nice use of repetition at the end to accentuate what was happening.
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So sad for the ending of that lacklustre marriage ~ I agree, the repetition was well done ~
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‘She pulled him in with her powerful and ardent amour
and summoned his presence on a platter of platitudes
Served with a side order of shipwrecked marriage.’
Love this poem, Allison. Agree with others that the repetition worked quite well.
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Thank you so much. Xx
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Sounds like it was a doomed tale from the start! Loved this line… And we were dead in the water, his love had shifted upstream.
Dwight
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Thank you . Xx
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Love A Source oF aLL CReaTiViTY BeTTeR
YeT HoNoR PuT LusT TheN Love WHeN LoVE
SuRViVeS A LusT
AnD
FLoWeRS
iN A BuNDLE
oF RoSeS THaT
AnD wHo FuEL EYeS oF LovE oN..:)
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Excellent storytelling based on the photograph…a sad tale effectively told.
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The repetitions in your piece are wonderful – they really bring the sadness of your poem to the forefront.
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Thank you for your words- Alison. XX
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